Five conversations you should have on a first date

Photo: Getty Images

Livia Gamble
Reporter

First dates are nerve-racking, but small talk can be worse. When an awkward silence hits, it’s either head for the nearest exit or mention the weather.

For those that weren’t born with the gift of the gab, unlike the weather, there are some topics you should reach for when you start to feel the pressure of a first date.

What you should talk about

Talk about travel, not movies

A study by Richard Wiseman found that talking about movies gives you a less than 9 per cent chance of a second date. But talking about travel gave participants an 18 per cent chance of wanting to meet again. Wiseman says the reason for this is that men and women typically had very different movie tastes.

Throw the ball back in their court

Talking about yourself the entire date isn’t ideal but staying quiet is just as bad. When your date asks you a question, give your two cents and redirect the conversation back to them. This should set up the foundations of a smooth conversation.

Share secrets

New York psychologist Arthur Aron came up with a set of questions to speed up the ''getting to you know you'' process. Questions include: Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? Would you like to be famous? In what way? When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? More questions are here.

When in doubt, go for the controversial topic
Don’t worry about rocking the boat. Instead of talking about the news, behavioural researcher Dan Ariely says dive straight in and ask something personally revealing, such as: how many relationships have they had?

Do you like beer?

According to OK Cupid’s research, asking your date if they like the taste of beer will give you a good indication about whether they will have sex with you on the first date. Alternatively, asking if they like horror movies can reveal if they are looking for a long-term relationship.

 
What not to talk about

Don’t over-compliment your date

''Why would someone like you be interested in someone like me when you can have anyone you want?''

Asking questions like this sends a message that you think very little of yourself. Therapist and life coach John D. Moore says: ''If you are continuously complimenting your first date about their personal appearance, it may come off that you are fishing for a compliment.''.. Read More

5 Top Home Remedies to Prevent Premature Graying of Hair

Posted by: Sara in Hair Care, Home Remedies

No matter from which part of the world you belong, your hair can suffer premature graying. Now the age when it can be said to have gone gray prematurely, may differ. So, if you are a white person in your mid 20s and your hair turn gray that will definitely be a premature graying. If you were in mid 30s, it would have been normal age for graying of hair. If you are an Asian, your hair should start graying in mid 30s and if you are an African-American, the standard age for you to get gray hair is mid 40s. Now you know whether your’s is a premature graying of hair or not! And if the answer is yes, you don’t have to worry a lot because there are certain very effective home remedies to prevent such early graying of your hair.
Home Remedies for Gray of Hair.

1.Make Hair Tonic with Coconut Oil-Curry Leaves 

Curry leaves not only grant great aroma and taste to your dishes but also brings back lost pigments to your hair. These leaves are nature’s gift having certain pigment that can retain your original hair color. So include curry leaves in your diet. Use them to temper your gravies, boil them in water and have as tea, grind them to mix with buttermilk or curd and have tasty treats. Here is one recipe to make an excellent hair tonic with curry leaves. Make it and store for daily use.
You will need:

• Coconut Oil- 100 ml
• Curry Leaves- a handful of them; you may also increase the amount.

 Directions: 

• Mix curry leaves with coconut oil.
• Boil them together.
• If it’s winter, your coconut oil will be in solid state. So, first heat it to melt and then add curry leaves to boil them.
• When the leaves turn black, put off the flame.
• Strain the oil and store in an air tight container.

Apply this oil to your hair daily at night and massage your scalp (only scalp) with fingers gently. Massage for about 15-20 minutes. Leave it overnight and wash off your hair the next morning. Use this oil for at least 3 months to get results.

Interesting fact: British actress Anna Friel drinks tea made of curry leaves everyday to preserve the natural colour of her hair. She boils the leaves in water and drinks the hot beverage after she noticed two strands of gray hair post her illness recently.

2. Use Indian Gooseberry’s Wonder for Hair 

Amla, as it is known, Indian gooseberry is the most talked about ingredient in Ayurveda for all hair problems, leave alone the color of hair! It is one of the richest sources of antioxidant vitamin C. If you include gooseberry in your diet, you will not only help your hair to grow fast and prevent from graying but you will also ensure that you remain healthy in toto. I’ll give you the recipe for homemade amla oil to be prepared by you so that you can stop premature growing of your hair.
You will need:

• Amla powder- 2 tsp (see the recipe below to know how to get powder out of gooseberry)
• Fenugreek powder (optional)- 1 tsp
• Coconut oil- 1 cup

Directions:

• To make amla powder, take gooseberries pieces and dry them in shade. Once they dry completely, grind them to get their powder.
• Mix amla powder, coconut oil and fenugreek powder (if using) in a pan.
• Heat the pan on low flame.
• When you notice the oil turning brown, put off the flame.
• Allow to cool a little (watch it doesn’t get solid as coconut oil tends to settle in solid state when it’s cold temperature outside)
• Strain and store the oil in a container

Use this coconut oil with all the good things of amla in it to massage your scalp and hair daily at night. Wash off your hair in the morning.

Amla Remedy for Oily Hair 

If you have oily hair, you may not like to apply oil to your hair. In such a case, you can use amla water to treat your hair. For making amla water,

• Take a cup of water.
• Mix 1 tsp amla powder in it.
• Boil the water till it reduces to half of its quantity.
• You should get at least 3 teaspoons of amla water.
• Mix 3 teaspoons of lemon juice with the amla water.
• Now add this amal-lemon juice mix to the required amount of water that is needed to wash your hair.
• Wash you hair with this water.

Interesting fact: Amla or Indian gooseberry is a fruit with a diameter of only 1 inch but it has the same antiscorbutic value as two oranges have in them. Also, amla doesn’t lose its qualities whatever you do wih it- boil it, make jam or pickle with it, eat it raw or process it in any form- it won’t leave its properties!

3. Apply Ridge Gourd for Hair Color

Ridge gourd, often also called ribbed gourd, is widely used for treating premature graying of hair. It helps in enriching the hair roots as well as in restoring pigment. You again need to make a hair tonic using coconut oil to use it for your graying hair.
You will need:

• Dried ribbed gourd pieces- half a cup
• Coconut oil- 1 cup

Directions:

• Take the pieces of ridge gourd and dry them out in shade.
• Soak the dried pieces in coconut oil for about 3-4 days.
• Now boil the coconut oil along with soaked pieces of dried ribbed gourd.
• Boil it on low flame till the oil gets darkened, black in color.
• Strain and store.
• Use this oil to massage your scalp, at least twice a week.

Interesting fact: One of the common everyday name of ridge gourd is Luffa, also spelled loofah. In fact, the naturally dried ridge gourd is used as an external body cleanser which is popularly known as loofah sponge. Also, ridge gourd has medicinal use in some other color related diseases like leprosy (white skin) and jaundice (yellow skin).

4. Create Sesame-Carrot Wonder for Changing Gray Color of Your Hair

You can prevent your hair from growing gray. What about those that are already gray? Here’s a recipe using sesame oil, carrot juice and fenugreek seeds that is used in South India- one of the main centers of Ayurvedic practitioners- for premature graying of hair!

You will need:
• Sesame Oil
• Carrot Juice
(both sesame oil and carrot juice should be in equal amount. For example 1 glass each or 100 ml each)
• Fenugreek seed powder- Half the amount of oil and juice (For example, ½ glass or 50 ml if the oil-juice is one glass each or 100 ml each respectively)

Directions:

• Mix sesame oil, carrot juice and fenugreek seeds powder in a clear bottle, jar, bowl or any other container
• Keep the mixture in sun for 21 days.
• Apply the resultant oil mixture after 21 days on your scalp and hair.
• Use this for at least 3 months.

This mixture can also be used for graying hair on your other body parts like beards, moustaches, eye-brows, chest etc. This can miraculously change the graying color of your hair.

Interesting fact: Solar radiation can purify (read disinfect) water to make it safe for drinking. The UVA rays of sun terminate many germs present in water when exposed to sunlight for minimum 6 hours. Read More

How 'normal' is your sex life?

Finding time for sex after kids are in the picture. Photo: Getty

Rachel Clun
Life & Style reporter

A recent Reddit thread asked married people how frequently they had sex, and their answers ranged anywhere from every day for couples who had been together for 30 years, to once every two to three months for others.

Given the huge differences in answers, it’s impossible to tell what is normal and what is not.

Psychologist and founder of The Hart Centre Julie Hart says, that for couples with mismatched libidos, understanding what a ‘normal’ amount of sex is can be helpful.

“What’s considered in the normal range is often a question mark for people,” says Hart.

“I’ve certainly had people in my counselling practice who think that once every three months is normal, particularly when you’ve got children,” says Hart, “and their partner is just horrified at the thought of only being able to make love once every three months.”

Hart says research has shown couples with the healthiest – and happiest – sex lives have sex once or twice a week.

“If you leave it too long between having sex and making love, you tend to get out of the mode; you sort of forget,” says Hart.

She says it can be hard to remember what you used to like and also difficult to get back into the habit of having regular sex, so lovemaking becomes less and less frequent.

So what is it that prevents couples from having sex more regularly?

Children, says Hart, can unfortunately be a major factor.

“The research has shown that for about 70 per cent of all couples their sex life goes down at the birth of their first child, and it doesn’t really go up again until their last child leaves home,” says Hart.

Babies will keep you awake, while younger children are physically demanding – and the tiredness from having young children will impact your sex drive. While teens have more autonomy, says Hart, they are often quite stressful to raise, and in combination with younger kids they can also leave parents feeling exhausted. Read More

When your husband doesn't want sex

When husbands want less sex, marriages can suffer. Photo: Getty

Heidi Stevens

There's a passage at the beginning of Michele Weiner Davis' 2008 book, The Sex-Starved Wife: What to Do When He's Lost Desire (Simon and Schuster), that underscores what experts say is a larger problem than our culture lets on.

"You ask yourself, 'What's wrong with me? Aren't I attractive?'" Weiner Davis writes. "How did you manage to hook up with the one man in the world who would prefer doing just about anything other than making love to you? Why isn't he like all the other guys?"

The one man in the world. All the other guys.

It's difficult to quantify how many women are in marriages with husbands who've lost the appetite for sex, in part because it's hard for women - who are surrounded by friends, sitcoms and magazines telling them all men want sex all the time - to speak up about the "one man in the world" who doesn't.

"It's a very real problem," says psychiatrist Andrew Gilbert, medical director at the Hallowell Center, a New York-based facility that treats cognitive and emotional problems. "It's not weird or unique. It's also very treatable."

While researching her book, Manopause: Your Guide to Surviving His Changing Life (Hay House), co-author Lisa Friedman spoke with women who struggled to reconcile their husbands' waning desire with the impressions they had always accepted about men's sex drives.

"It's hard for anyone to admit; let's start there," Friedman says. "Women are just as uncomfortable admitting they're not having sex as men are. They think, 'What's wrong with my man?' Because, after all, the ability to perform is at the core of his masculinity." Read More

11 Amazing Herbal Remedies for Weight Loss

Posted by: Sara in Home Remedies

Herbs are what are natural and you can very well take help of these herbs for weight loss. Have you ever thought why people in the past were not so bothered about getting fat? Why obesity was not a problem as it is today? From the time onwards when people started processing natural foods and leading life which lacks physical movements, they also started gaining weight. Even today if you talk to someone who has lost weight, you’ll be told of lots of herbs and natural foods along with exercises that had helped them in losing weight. So, why not you too know about the top herbs for weight loss. Only knowing is not enough. Act on this. Adopt these herbal remedies for weight loss and get in shape not instantly but with lasting effect!

Herbal Remedies for Weight Loss

1. Green Tea for Weight Loss

Green tea is not only loaded with antioxidants but has thermo-genic properties within itself. Thermogenesis can be understood as the process of heat production in organisms including human beings. It increases consumption of energy and fat oxidation so you burn your body fat faster. Green tea also helps feel you full so that you don’t eat more than you need. Not only this, EGCG in green tea reduces the amount of fat that your body absorbs when you eat your food. This is not only helpful in your weight loss efforts but also in reducing your cholesterol level.

How to have green tea for weight loss?

• Make your green tea by placing 1-2 tsp of good quality green tea in a cup or bowl. Pour hot water over it and let it brew for a minute. Taste it. If it is not strong enough for your taste buds, let it brew for another minute and then taste again. Keep on tasting every minute to know what strength of green tea would you prefer. Then onwards, you may brew your tea for that many minutes. Usually people brew green tea for 2-5 minutes. Strain and drink your cup of green tea. As this is for weight loss, its desirable not to add any sweetener to the tea.
• Have green tea instead of regular tea or coffee in the morning. It has enough caffeine to start off your day. Also, this will speed up your metabolism right in the morning so that you may burn more calories throughout the day.
• Drink at least 4-5 cups of green tea throughout the day. This will help you feel full and you’ll concentrate lesser on binge eating. Having a cup of green tea before or after meals is a good idea.

2. Ginseng for Weight Loss

Ginseng has long been used by Chinese medicine as a traditional medicine for energy, stamina, and overall well being. Modern researchers have also found ginseng to be effective for weight loss as well as diabetes control. One of the researches talks about ginseng’s ability to make body cells lesser capable of storing fat. Ginseng is an adaptogen, a substance which improves the body’s capability to cope with physical, emotional and environmental stress. You can find ginseng in fresh as well as dried form. While sometimes leaves of ginseng plant are also added with its root but the root is the most beneficial part of this plant. Ginseng can help you in two ways to lose weight. First, it will boost your metabolism wherein when you eat, you will store less fat as compared to when you don’t take ginseng. Secondly, ginseng will fill you with energy so that you remain more active and thus spend more calories.

Make ginseng tea for weight loss
Get this:

• Dried ginseng root- 4 tbsp
• Water- 4 cups
• Honey (optional)- 1-2 tsp
• Cinnamon (optional)- ¼ – ½ tsp

Do this:

• Boil the water in a pan.
• Add ginseng root to the boiling water.
• Simmer for about an hour.
• Remove from the heat and strain.
• Add honey and/or cinnamon. Honey reduces the bitter aftertaste f ginseng herb and cinnamon powder can make it a little aromatic.
• Drink one cup each in the morning and after lunch.

3. Guggul Herb Extract for Weight Loss

Guggul is an age old herbal medicine recommended by Ayurveda for various health conditions including weight loss. And what is more important is that modern studies have also supported the effect of guggul herb in weight loss. Guggul gum resin is extracted from the Commiphora mukul tree or the mukul myrrh tree. Gum guggul extract contains guggulsterone, a plant steroid which is thought to be anti-tumor, anti-angiogenic and cholesterol-lowering component. However, the weight loss effect of guggul comes from its activity on thyroid gland. Thyroid hormones are essential for exact metabolic rate which decides how much calories would you burn in a day. As guggul stimulates thyroid function, your metabolic rate comes to the optimum level and weight loss becomes easier and faster. The added advantages of guggul are lowered cholesterol levels and a good mood too. And because, it doesn’t stimulate your central nervous system, it is a safe herb for weight loss.

Ways to take guggul for weight loss

• Guggul extract is easily available in form of tablets in health stores, especially Ayurveda herbal medicines stores. Generally, you should take 75 milligrams of guggul extract divided in 3 doses. This means 25 milligrams as one dose. Sometimes 100 milligrams can also be taken but it’s better to consult an Ayurvedic doctor or a herbalist before you take guggul supplement.
• If you decide to take guggul gum, you may keep 1 gram (about ¼ tsp) of this resin under your tongue or inside your mouth so that it dissolves there. Do it 4 times a day.

4. Hibiscus Tea for Weight Loss

The beautiful flowers of Hibiscus are loaded with nutrients, flavonoids and various minerals. The amylase inhibitors in this herb help in lowering absorption of fats and carbohydrates. The fats and carbohydrates in your body are broken down by hibiscus so that they can be flushed out of body. Hibiscus flowers also have mild diuretic property s, which o that you shed water weight too and reduce your bloating. Your body gets added advantage of strengthened immunity due to the antioxidants present hibiscus. Read More

Top 10 Remedies to Remove Stretch Marks

Posted by: Sara in Home Remedies

Have you ever noticed the leather bag that you carry with all the stuff under the sun? It gets so stretched that it reaches the limit of its elasticity. It is then, when you see those wrinkle type marks on your old overused leather bag. You discard it and buy a new one. But you cannot do this with your own skin! Yes, your skin is composed of elastin which can be thought of as a soft elastic tissue. It is soft, supple and stretchable but it too has its own limits. Some situations exert extra pressure on your skin such as sudden weight gain or loss, pregnancy and even rapid growth of your body during teenage. Sometimes while exercising too, you stretch your body out of its limits. In such situations you get those thick red or purple lines on your skin which is popularly known as stretch marks. Gradually these lines do fade away and become white or silvery white in color but they don’t go away on their own. You have to put efforts to remove these stretch marks. Here are some home remedies to help you with your task.

Natural Remedies to Remove Stretch Marks

1. Apricot Mask to Remove Stretch Marks

Many people use apricot scrub for rapid removal of stretch marks from their skin. However, I am giving you the recipe of a mask made from apricot that you have to apply on your stretch marks daily for at least a month or more.

Get these things:
• Apricots- 2-3
• Lukewarm water- enough to wash off your skin having marks.

Do this:
• Cut open the apricots and remove their seeds.
• Crush the fruits to get their paste.
• Apply this apricot paste on your stretch marks.
• Leave for about 15-20 minutes.
• Now wash off with warm water.
• Repeat everyday (you may initially do it twice a day) for a month.

2. Aloe Vera to Remove Stretch Marks
Benefits of aloe vera are now very popular among the fans of home remedies. This herb has in it the plant collagen which excellently repairs human skin too. Use, as far as possible, the fresh aloe gel taken from the leaves instead of using store bought gel.

Get this:
• Aloe vera leaf

Do this:
• De-thorn the aloe vera leaf and remove its outer skin.
• Take out the sticky gel from the inside of the leaf.
• Apply this fresh aloe gel on your stretch marks.
• Now forget it for two hours.
• Wash off with water after this couple of hours.

3. Oils to Remove Stretch Marks
Natural oils are excellent emollients and they have these capacity to treat all scalp and hair problems as also skin issues including stretch marks. You just need to identify the right type of oil for the very purpose. You should ideally gently massage your skin having stretch marks with oil for about half an hour daily. However, just applying oils to the marks (something near to soaking them in oil) can also do wonders. If doing so, you need to apply oil for about three to four times a day. Olive oil, with all its antioxidant properties and loads of nutrients, is considered one of the best oils for removing stretch marks but there are many other oils that you can use. They too are good when it comes to curing stretch marks. Here is the list.

• Olive oil
• Lavender oil
• Rose oil
• Frankincense oil
• Myrrh oil
• Geranium oil
• Helichrysum oil
• Chamomile oil

The best thing will be to mix certain oils and then apply to the marks. Here’s the recipe.

Get this:
• lavender oil- ½ tsp
• Chamomile oil- ½ tsp
• Almond oil- 2 tsp ( you can use any other carrier oil like avocado oil, jojoba oil etc. in place of almond oil)

Do this:
• Mix lavender, chamomile oils with almond or the other carrier oil that you are using.
• Mix them well.
• Apply this oil mix to your stretch marks daily.
• Do this preferably thrice or four times a day.

7 Exercises That Will Transform Your Body

Effective ways to change your body Looking for something? That will help you reach your fitness goals are some great exercises. These exercises are simple, but to strengthen your body with unwanted calories burned effective.

However, sticking to these exercises is not enough to transform your body, you should also eat healthy and get enough sleep regularly. Don’t waste your precious time doing other workouts, here are seven exercises that will help you transform your body in no time. Read More