How 'normal' is your sex life?

Finding time for sex after kids are in the picture. Photo: Getty

Rachel Clun
Life & Style reporter

A recent Reddit thread asked married people how frequently they had sex, and their answers ranged anywhere from every day for couples who had been together for 30 years, to once every two to three months for others.

Given the huge differences in answers, it’s impossible to tell what is normal and what is not.

Psychologist and founder of The Hart Centre Julie Hart says, that for couples with mismatched libidos, understanding what a ‘normal’ amount of sex is can be helpful.

“What’s considered in the normal range is often a question mark for people,” says Hart.

“I’ve certainly had people in my counselling practice who think that once every three months is normal, particularly when you’ve got children,” says Hart, “and their partner is just horrified at the thought of only being able to make love once every three months.”

Hart says research has shown couples with the healthiest – and happiest – sex lives have sex once or twice a week.

“If you leave it too long between having sex and making love, you tend to get out of the mode; you sort of forget,” says Hart.

She says it can be hard to remember what you used to like and also difficult to get back into the habit of having regular sex, so lovemaking becomes less and less frequent.

So what is it that prevents couples from having sex more regularly?

Children, says Hart, can unfortunately be a major factor.

“The research has shown that for about 70 per cent of all couples their sex life goes down at the birth of their first child, and it doesn’t really go up again until their last child leaves home,” says Hart.

Babies will keep you awake, while younger children are physically demanding – and the tiredness from having young children will impact your sex drive. While teens have more autonomy, says Hart, they are often quite stressful to raise, and in combination with younger kids they can also leave parents feeling exhausted. Read More

When your husband doesn't want sex

When husbands want less sex, marriages can suffer. Photo: Getty

Heidi Stevens

There's a passage at the beginning of Michele Weiner Davis' 2008 book, The Sex-Starved Wife: What to Do When He's Lost Desire (Simon and Schuster), that underscores what experts say is a larger problem than our culture lets on.

"You ask yourself, 'What's wrong with me? Aren't I attractive?'" Weiner Davis writes. "How did you manage to hook up with the one man in the world who would prefer doing just about anything other than making love to you? Why isn't he like all the other guys?"

The one man in the world. All the other guys.

It's difficult to quantify how many women are in marriages with husbands who've lost the appetite for sex, in part because it's hard for women - who are surrounded by friends, sitcoms and magazines telling them all men want sex all the time - to speak up about the "one man in the world" who doesn't.

"It's a very real problem," says psychiatrist Andrew Gilbert, medical director at the Hallowell Center, a New York-based facility that treats cognitive and emotional problems. "It's not weird or unique. It's also very treatable."

While researching her book, Manopause: Your Guide to Surviving His Changing Life (Hay House), co-author Lisa Friedman spoke with women who struggled to reconcile their husbands' waning desire with the impressions they had always accepted about men's sex drives.

"It's hard for anyone to admit; let's start there," Friedman says. "Women are just as uncomfortable admitting they're not having sex as men are. They think, 'What's wrong with my man?' Because, after all, the ability to perform is at the core of his masculinity." Read More

Gaza team defuses live bombs and shells without protective suits

Some of the artillery shells his team collected on Thursday. Photo: Ruth Pollard

Ruth Pollard
Middle East Correspondent
Nuseirat, Gaza: Hazem Abu Murad and his team have none of the equipment you would expect in a unit of munitions disposal experts.

Theirs is one of the most dangerous jobs in Gaza but they have no protective suits, no robots and no portable X-ray systems.

Instead, they assess the situation – a potential unexploded mortar, shell or missile – on sight alone and work out the safest way to disarm and dispose of it as far from civilians as possible.

As his team examines a large missile dropped from an Israeli F16 into a field where crops of potatoes and tomatoes usually grow, Mr Abu Murad of Gaza’s Explosive Ordinance Disposal Police admits there have been some frightening moments in his 15-year long career. "There is one minute between life and death," he says. "If I move my fingers two millimetres the wrong way, I am gone." After pronouncing the one-tonne bomb safe to move, a bulldozer is summoned to the site, and it rumbles slowly along a narrow, sandy track and into the field.

Under the watchful eye of the family who were forced to flee their home 10 days earlier when the missile landed, the dozer driver lowers its tray and scoops up the enormous missile along with a large pile of dirt and lifts it high up into the air. The bulldozer then trundles out of the residential farming district.

Following 29 days of Israeli aerial, naval and tank bombardment in which the Israel Defence Forces say they struck 4762 sites across Gaza, the risk to civilians, especially children, of unexploded munitions has skyrocketed, experts warn. Read More  

Barack Obama authorises bombing of Islamist militants in northern Iraq

US President Barack Obama. Photo: Bloomberg

Nick O'Malley
US correspondent for Fairfax Media

Washington: President Barack Obama has authorised airstrikes in Iraq in defence of United States staff and of refugees who have been besieged by Islamic State of Iraq and Levant militants on the Sinjar mountains in the north.

Addressing the nation from the White House at 9.30pm in Washington, the President said the US had already begun dropping emergency aid to the besieged Yazidi community on the mountains.

Mr Obama said America’s top priority was the protection of US consulate and military staff who are based in the city of Erbil to advise Iraqi forces in their fight against ISIL. He said he had authorised targeted airstrikes against any ISIL convoys that approached the city.

Washington: President Barack Obama has authorised airstrikes in Iraq in defence of United States staff and of refugees who have been besieged by Islamic State of Iraq and Levant militants on the Sinjar mountains in the north.

Addressing the nation from the White House at 9.30pm in Washington, the President said the US had already begun dropping emergency aid to the besieged Yazidi community on the mountains.

Mr Obama said America’s top priority was the protection of US consulate and military staff who are based in the city of Erbil to advise Iraqi forces in their fight against ISIL. He said he had authorised targeted airstrikes against any ISIL convoys that approached the city. Read More

11 Amazing Herbal Remedies for Weight Loss

Posted by: Sara in Home Remedies

Herbs are what are natural and you can very well take help of these herbs for weight loss. Have you ever thought why people in the past were not so bothered about getting fat? Why obesity was not a problem as it is today? From the time onwards when people started processing natural foods and leading life which lacks physical movements, they also started gaining weight. Even today if you talk to someone who has lost weight, you’ll be told of lots of herbs and natural foods along with exercises that had helped them in losing weight. So, why not you too know about the top herbs for weight loss. Only knowing is not enough. Act on this. Adopt these herbal remedies for weight loss and get in shape not instantly but with lasting effect!

Herbal Remedies for Weight Loss

1. Green Tea for Weight Loss

Green tea is not only loaded with antioxidants but has thermo-genic properties within itself. Thermogenesis can be understood as the process of heat production in organisms including human beings. It increases consumption of energy and fat oxidation so you burn your body fat faster. Green tea also helps feel you full so that you don’t eat more than you need. Not only this, EGCG in green tea reduces the amount of fat that your body absorbs when you eat your food. This is not only helpful in your weight loss efforts but also in reducing your cholesterol level.

How to have green tea for weight loss?

• Make your green tea by placing 1-2 tsp of good quality green tea in a cup or bowl. Pour hot water over it and let it brew for a minute. Taste it. If it is not strong enough for your taste buds, let it brew for another minute and then taste again. Keep on tasting every minute to know what strength of green tea would you prefer. Then onwards, you may brew your tea for that many minutes. Usually people brew green tea for 2-5 minutes. Strain and drink your cup of green tea. As this is for weight loss, its desirable not to add any sweetener to the tea.
• Have green tea instead of regular tea or coffee in the morning. It has enough caffeine to start off your day. Also, this will speed up your metabolism right in the morning so that you may burn more calories throughout the day.
• Drink at least 4-5 cups of green tea throughout the day. This will help you feel full and you’ll concentrate lesser on binge eating. Having a cup of green tea before or after meals is a good idea.

2. Ginseng for Weight Loss

Ginseng has long been used by Chinese medicine as a traditional medicine for energy, stamina, and overall well being. Modern researchers have also found ginseng to be effective for weight loss as well as diabetes control. One of the researches talks about ginseng’s ability to make body cells lesser capable of storing fat. Ginseng is an adaptogen, a substance which improves the body’s capability to cope with physical, emotional and environmental stress. You can find ginseng in fresh as well as dried form. While sometimes leaves of ginseng plant are also added with its root but the root is the most beneficial part of this plant. Ginseng can help you in two ways to lose weight. First, it will boost your metabolism wherein when you eat, you will store less fat as compared to when you don’t take ginseng. Secondly, ginseng will fill you with energy so that you remain more active and thus spend more calories.

Make ginseng tea for weight loss
Get this:

• Dried ginseng root- 4 tbsp
• Water- 4 cups
• Honey (optional)- 1-2 tsp
• Cinnamon (optional)- ¼ – ½ tsp

Do this:

• Boil the water in a pan.
• Add ginseng root to the boiling water.
• Simmer for about an hour.
• Remove from the heat and strain.
• Add honey and/or cinnamon. Honey reduces the bitter aftertaste f ginseng herb and cinnamon powder can make it a little aromatic.
• Drink one cup each in the morning and after lunch.

3. Guggul Herb Extract for Weight Loss

Guggul is an age old herbal medicine recommended by Ayurveda for various health conditions including weight loss. And what is more important is that modern studies have also supported the effect of guggul herb in weight loss. Guggul gum resin is extracted from the Commiphora mukul tree or the mukul myrrh tree. Gum guggul extract contains guggulsterone, a plant steroid which is thought to be anti-tumor, anti-angiogenic and cholesterol-lowering component. However, the weight loss effect of guggul comes from its activity on thyroid gland. Thyroid hormones are essential for exact metabolic rate which decides how much calories would you burn in a day. As guggul stimulates thyroid function, your metabolic rate comes to the optimum level and weight loss becomes easier and faster. The added advantages of guggul are lowered cholesterol levels and a good mood too. And because, it doesn’t stimulate your central nervous system, it is a safe herb for weight loss.

Ways to take guggul for weight loss

• Guggul extract is easily available in form of tablets in health stores, especially Ayurveda herbal medicines stores. Generally, you should take 75 milligrams of guggul extract divided in 3 doses. This means 25 milligrams as one dose. Sometimes 100 milligrams can also be taken but it’s better to consult an Ayurvedic doctor or a herbalist before you take guggul supplement.
• If you decide to take guggul gum, you may keep 1 gram (about ¼ tsp) of this resin under your tongue or inside your mouth so that it dissolves there. Do it 4 times a day.

4. Hibiscus Tea for Weight Loss

The beautiful flowers of Hibiscus are loaded with nutrients, flavonoids and various minerals. The amylase inhibitors in this herb help in lowering absorption of fats and carbohydrates. The fats and carbohydrates in your body are broken down by hibiscus so that they can be flushed out of body. Hibiscus flowers also have mild diuretic property s, which o that you shed water weight too and reduce your bloating. Your body gets added advantage of strengthened immunity due to the antioxidants present hibiscus. Read More

Top 10 Remedies to Remove Stretch Marks

Posted by: Sara in Home Remedies

Have you ever noticed the leather bag that you carry with all the stuff under the sun? It gets so stretched that it reaches the limit of its elasticity. It is then, when you see those wrinkle type marks on your old overused leather bag. You discard it and buy a new one. But you cannot do this with your own skin! Yes, your skin is composed of elastin which can be thought of as a soft elastic tissue. It is soft, supple and stretchable but it too has its own limits. Some situations exert extra pressure on your skin such as sudden weight gain or loss, pregnancy and even rapid growth of your body during teenage. Sometimes while exercising too, you stretch your body out of its limits. In such situations you get those thick red or purple lines on your skin which is popularly known as stretch marks. Gradually these lines do fade away and become white or silvery white in color but they don’t go away on their own. You have to put efforts to remove these stretch marks. Here are some home remedies to help you with your task.

Natural Remedies to Remove Stretch Marks

1. Apricot Mask to Remove Stretch Marks

Many people use apricot scrub for rapid removal of stretch marks from their skin. However, I am giving you the recipe of a mask made from apricot that you have to apply on your stretch marks daily for at least a month or more.

Get these things:
• Apricots- 2-3
• Lukewarm water- enough to wash off your skin having marks.

Do this:
• Cut open the apricots and remove their seeds.
• Crush the fruits to get their paste.
• Apply this apricot paste on your stretch marks.
• Leave for about 15-20 minutes.
• Now wash off with warm water.
• Repeat everyday (you may initially do it twice a day) for a month.

2. Aloe Vera to Remove Stretch Marks
Benefits of aloe vera are now very popular among the fans of home remedies. This herb has in it the plant collagen which excellently repairs human skin too. Use, as far as possible, the fresh aloe gel taken from the leaves instead of using store bought gel.

Get this:
• Aloe vera leaf

Do this:
• De-thorn the aloe vera leaf and remove its outer skin.
• Take out the sticky gel from the inside of the leaf.
• Apply this fresh aloe gel on your stretch marks.
• Now forget it for two hours.
• Wash off with water after this couple of hours.

3. Oils to Remove Stretch Marks
Natural oils are excellent emollients and they have these capacity to treat all scalp and hair problems as also skin issues including stretch marks. You just need to identify the right type of oil for the very purpose. You should ideally gently massage your skin having stretch marks with oil for about half an hour daily. However, just applying oils to the marks (something near to soaking them in oil) can also do wonders. If doing so, you need to apply oil for about three to four times a day. Olive oil, with all its antioxidant properties and loads of nutrients, is considered one of the best oils for removing stretch marks but there are many other oils that you can use. They too are good when it comes to curing stretch marks. Here is the list.

• Olive oil
• Lavender oil
• Rose oil
• Frankincense oil
• Myrrh oil
• Geranium oil
• Helichrysum oil
• Chamomile oil

The best thing will be to mix certain oils and then apply to the marks. Here’s the recipe.

Get this:
• lavender oil- ½ tsp
• Chamomile oil- ½ tsp
• Almond oil- 2 tsp ( you can use any other carrier oil like avocado oil, jojoba oil etc. in place of almond oil)

Do this:
• Mix lavender, chamomile oils with almond or the other carrier oil that you are using.
• Mix them well.
• Apply this oil mix to your stretch marks daily.
• Do this preferably thrice or four times a day.

Top tablets compared - which is best for you?

Best tablet 2014: Our top 10 ranking

What's the best tablet for 2014? Today's latest tablets compared and rated - constantly updated

Tablets are taking the world by storm. Just a few years ago they were an unknown for many people, but nowadays you've got more choice than you can shake a mildly agitated badger at.

And with choice comes decisions - difficult decisions. Do you eschew Apple's high prices, join the Android brigade and find the best iPad alternative? Or jump on board Cupertino's lovetrain, and use one of the most popular tablets on the planet?

We've made it easy for you and pulled together the top 10 tablets of the moment available in the UK.

It's a difficult process divining which place each of these excellent tablets should occupy in our list, so we take into account multiple elements including performance, battery life, screen quality and more. Price plays a minor part, as does age: a tablet that's been replaced by a sequel will tumble down the rankings as you can get all the great features on a better slate.

If none of the top 10 tablets here take your fancy then head on over to our tablet reviews pages, where you'll find in-depth reviews for many more models.